(Before the foundation of the world - Sovereignty and Responsibility)
God foreknows all events including the choices and actions of man
God chooses a world (series of actions and reactions) out of all the possibilities
God predestines that world to occur, as well as those who are saved to be saved and those who are lost to be lost based upon His foreknowledge of all things
(At salvation - Sovereignty and Responsibility)
God draws man unto salvation through the Holy Spirit
Man responds in consistency with what God foreknew, but at the same time uncoerced
God seals those who respond with the Holy Spirit
Now, let me break each section down. Before the foundation of the world God knows everything that will happen. Obviously God could not choose something if He did not know what to choose, so everything begins with His foreknowledge. He knows all events that will happen, and He also knows all events that could happen (this is called "Middle Knowledge"). In other words, God knows each of His possible actions, as well as each possible reaction from man and the world. For instance, God knows that if He does A on a certain day that you will do B, while if He does C then you will do D, and so on an so forth. Needless to say this knowledge creates an unfathomable amount of possibilities. Each of these sets of possibilities is called a "book" or a "world". Now understand that these are all only possibilities, not actuality. Before the foundation of the world He knew each of these possible worlds (series of outcomes) and chose the one that was best (best is hard to define, but we know that God only creates the best things possible from Genesis 1, so we might define best as relating to the greatest number of disciples or some other criteria - how we define best is another discussion). The world that was best was the one that He actualized and the one that we live in. This world, all of its events, and those who would respond to Christ and choose to reject Him was then predestined to occur. Based upon these things it is quite easy to say that God is sovereign.
At salvation God draws man unto Himself. God always initiates salvation (Romans 3). However, God does not force men to be saved or lost otherwise He would be unjust in rewarding them or punishing them for what He forced them to do. The fact that they are predestined also does not force men to receive Christ or deny Him in the sense that they are unaware of God's plan. So then, they make an uncoerced decision either to receive Christ or reject Him. They will resond free, but at the same time they will respond consistently (unaware) with what God has foreknown, actualized and predestined. After they choose to receive Him they are then sealed by the Holy Spirit so that they cannot be lost. Now some might argue that those who are sealed are forced to be saved and cannot retract their decision, however Scripture is clear that those who do not desire to follow Christ to the end were never sealed to begin with (Revelation 3:5). The Bible is also very clear that many will appear to be saved, but in the end will truly be revealed as lost (Matthew 7:21-23). Based upon these things it is quite easy to say that man is responsible for his decision to receive Christ or reject Christ.
When these two concepts are presented together, in their biblical forms, it is quite possible (and even beneficial) to present a doctrine that does not divide. So then, my plea to you would be to understand, as best as possible, how God has intricately woven the fabric of sovereignty and responsibility and look at the coin as heads and tails instead of heads or tails. When this is done I think that the church will be much better suited to address more pressing issues such as the lostness of this world.
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